She did a lot of bad things......

.....indeed.
she's a sinner.she's a wrong-doer, sometimes a pretender.
yet He covers her gigantic-loopholes in the midst of compelling flowers, masking her as a perfectly human-being, continuously blinding people around.

this post should technically be last thursday, since it was my birthday, but then since when do i immune from late update?hahaha.i considered it to be a post worthy, so go on.


for the past couple of weeks, things have not been, lets just say, great.Allah has been testing, and i have been trying, but unfortunately, it was absolutely foul mood i've been wearing on my face, all months around.there's just sooo much to cope, things to handle, not to add up what i've been putting up since i HAVE to take short semester to cover up my workload [plus the reasons itself],  all the ruins of my break's plans, and much much more.some may think i was over-reacting, over drawn, or simply wonder why i was being very impatient lately.

then just couple of nights before 9 june [yes.my birthday] there are couple of friends buzz-ing on YM.sometimes i wonder how they knew i was invisible n at first, i was thinking to ignore them, but then, yeah, what the heaven kan, so we had some short and various talks.so she asked me, for all the decisions i have made for the life of 22 years, have one that i ever regretted?


i just hate that question.hahaha.sorry dear friend.as there's say-hate the game not the player, so i hate the question not the questioner.a wise person would never say they regret any of their decisions, becos somehow-worse or good it may lead-it made them who they are today, kan?but again, am i to resemble a "wise" person?hahahaha lawak la pulak.so i told her i've a lots of regrets.and sometimes i did regretting what i regretted.so we talked about regrets that night.and she finish up by saying, ..."know what tiq, kdg2 a person is wise enough when he know the limits of his wisdom,".


my other friend, i just dont know what should we talked about, so i just asked him, have he any regrets?the answer is yes, many of them.so i asked, kalo da bnyk sgt menyesal dgn keputusan yang kita bwat, how come you still calm and happy?the answer was once again i hate, "yes, i regrets much, but says who i should be worry about it, i cherish every of it lah,"


haha.that's why sometimes i hate to be around with positive people when i am in negative mood.i am very stressed out that something wrong is going on with my relationship with Allah.and i guess its getting worse.i am never exactly good in relationship with human, even more so with God.i want to make Him happy.i want to do many good things, but sometimes i just dont know how.


my other friend just asked, do you think your family love you?
yes i know they love me.seeing despite how idiot i am, they still care of me, kind to me, even of all my dis-respectfulness, causing them all troubles in the world, against them in certain things somehow, they still accept me the way i am.yes, despite all the bad things she did.
do you think your friends love you?
well i hope they do.seeing how forgetful i am, how bad i react to them, how the noise i create them, despite all the bad things she did, guess they still talk to me.hahaha
then imagine how much God loves you.the people in your life are not even a fraction of His love.


yes i mess up all the time, but as long as i try to get better, i know He loves me, despite all the bad things that i did.guess the simple answer just i have to trust Him in order to understand how much He loves me.


p/s:  فَبِأَيِّ آلاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ
p/s/s: i've got at least 6 chocolate cakes, on, before, and after my birthday.yes my friends love me.
~[teaching grief to smile, becos im thankful for the blessings]~